


Fifty and One More

by LazyPotatoo



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: :(, Alternate Universe - Daycare, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Alternate Universe - World War I, Barber Yuuri, Kid Fic, M/M, Older Yuuri, Prompt Fill, Sassy Yuuri, Snippets, Temporary Character Death, because authoress is unable to think of sassy responses, but not really, sad victor, younger victor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-06 12:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8750227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazyPotatoo/pseuds/LazyPotatoo
Summary: Yuuri’s has lived and died and been reincarnated over fifty times, and in each one, he’s met Victor. Not all of them they’ve been in love. Some of them they only met briefly, some of them they were different genders, some of them they were friends, some they were enemies. But every time they meet, they’ve never remembered their past lives - until now.





	1. First Life: Fifteen Years

**Author's Note:**

> the original prompt is [here](http://yoikinkmeme.tumblr.com/post/153834237464/yuurivictor-reincarnation)

1st life. London,  _ Fifteen Years _

Yuuri still remembers the first time he meets Victor. He is thirty-four and Victor is nineteen. Fifteen years apart. Thomas is clutching his neck to the point that it hurt, his son's face buried in his shoulder, crying. 

"I don't want to go!" Thomas mutters with a sniffle. "Daddy, don't make me go!"

Yuuri smiles at the daycare lady apologetically, rubbing Thomas' back with soothing circles. She returns an understanding smile and is about to say something until they hear a sound of exclamation from behind.

It is from a young man, probably barely out of school, bright and rather pretty. His long hair is light platinum, tied in a simple ponytail and for some reason, a blue flower crown adorns his head. He walks over with beaming smile, paying no mind to his appearance as though he wears a pasty pink apron with colorful flowers embroidered on them and a flower crown everyday.

The young man gently takes Thomas out of his arms and sets his son on the ground. He wipes away Thomas' tears with his sleeve and asks gently, "What's your name?"

Thomas answers with a quivering voice, painfully shy of the pretty stranger before him. 

The man grins at him and ruffles Thomas' hair and says, "OK, and what's the name of your friend?" He gestures to the old and dirty stuffed bunny Thomas holds tightly in his chubby hands by its ears. 

Yuuri's son smiles for the first time today and replies, "His name is Pork Cutlet."

The young man laughs delightfully, an open and honest laugh, and now Yuuri is smiling too. He introduces himself as Victor Graham and shakes Pork Cutlet's hand and then Thomas'. 

Yuuri watches with a feeling of growing warmth in his chest as Thomas is completely charmed by Victor.

Yuuri is so overwhelmed, he feels stupid. He remains relatively composed, however, and thanks the two daycare staff, kisses his son goodbye and promises he'll come back as soon as he can. 

Only later, after he has picked up Thomas from daycare and is home, cooking their dinner, can he admit that he is completely charmed by Victor too.

He sees Victor twice on the weekdays when he takes Thomas to daycare, and when he picks his son up. They do not exchange many words, and when they do, it is about Thomas.

Conversely, all Thomas can ever talk about is Victor. They eat dinner and Thomas is telling him how Victor made a flower crown for him. They stop by the bakery and Thomas is gushing over how Victor hugs him every time he does something good. They are snuggled under the covers at night and Thomas whispers in the dark how he wants to marry Victor when he grows up.

Yuuri is amused and glad that Thomas has found someone other than himself he is so attached to. 

Before he knows it, months pass and Victor and daycare become just another fixture in their lives.

Then, on a pleasant Sunday morning, this routine is broken when he is in the local bakery with Thomas. His son suddenly jerks his hand out of his and runs out of the bakery. Yuuri yells his name, sets his basket of bread down and runs out after his son.

He slows to a walk when he sees his son, feeling rising exasperation at the sight of Thomas bouncing excitedly around the legs of Victor. Of course, who else could tear his son away from him so easily besides Victor?

"I'm so sorry about Thomas," Yuuri says with an embarrassed smile. "He just suddenly ran out of the store before I even knew what was going on."

Victor shoots him a bright smile, the neat ponytail behind him swaying as he shakes his head. "It's fine! I'm happy to see you two outside of daycare."

Thomas laughs, his dark brown eyes shining excitedly as he runs up to Yuuri and jumps. Yuuri catches him with practiced ease and lifts him up into his chest. "Look, Daddy! It's Victor! Victor, look, it's Daddy!" 

His son squirms in his arms as he laughs again. Yuuri chuckles with him as a rush of love fills up his chest at the sight of his son. He kisses Thomas at the crown of his head and says affectionately, "You're not getting any lighter, Thomas, so stop squirming around now. And don't leave my side without my permission when we're outside like that, didn't I tell you before?"

"OK, Daddy, I'm sorry." Thomas stops moving and swings his short arms around Yuuri's neck, burying his face into Yuuri's shoulder. "Forgive me?"

"Just this one time," Yuuri warns, even though he has said that more times than he can count.

Thomas recovers suspiciously quickly and swivels his head to Victor as he says, "C'mon Victor, come go shopping with us!" 

"Thomas!" Yuuri hisses to him, the warning real in his voice now. He looks to Victor with an apologetic smile and a shake of his head. "We'll get going now. It's nice seeing you here, Victor."

"Wait, it's fine, I'd love to come shopping with you guys." Victor smiles brightly at Thomas, who is now squirming in Yuuri's arms again.

"Really?! Daddy, can he?"

Victor and Thomas both look at him. Yuuri sighs resignedly and complies.

They finish their purchase at the bakery and begin browsing the streets. The rapport between the three of them is easy and natural, and it is  _ different  _ from how it usually is at the daycare. Victor is amazing at handling Thomas, answering every question he has with patience and curbs his son's excitement in with an ease. Victor is sharp-minded and intelligent with his words and kind and affectionate with everyone. Yuuri finds himself truly enjoying Victor's presence with him and Thomas. 

He buys his kid some candy after a considerable amount of hugs and kisses from him, coupled with lethal puppy eyes he can never win against. As they walk through the busy streets, he notices Victor is no longer besides them. Yuuri turns around and spots Victor staring in the window of an old thrift store. He walks behind Victor and looks over his shoulder, smiling amusedly at a fluffy tissue box cover shaped as a brown poodle.

"Do you want it?"

Victor jumps at the sound of his voice, and turns to Yuuri with a small smile. "No, I just thought it looked cute. I've always wanted a dog like that and seeing that just reminded me of it."

Yuuri returns his smile with one of his own before they continued down the street upon Thomas' prompting. 

By late afternoon, they reach the end of the shopping district, and Thomas is fast asleep in Yuuri's arms. Victor is carrying their bags for him and offers to walk Yuuri and Thomas home.

"It's a bit difficult walking across town with a sleeping child and a bunch of bags in tow."

Yuuri looks to Victor with a sheepish smile and so they continue walking.

The streets here are much quieter than downtown, so when neither speak, there is a comfortable silence that both do not feel obliged to break.  

"Thomas tells me you two live alone?" Victor begins, trailing off into a question.

"Yep, always been this way." Yuuri does not offer more than that, and Victor does not ask more. "Do you live alone? You're still quite young."

Victor shoots him a smile he cannot decipher, but it does not look very happy for once. "Yeah, I do."

The rest of the way is in relative silence, sporadically asking each other questions that pops in their heads. Yuuri gestures the apartment up ahead. "There's our flat." 

They stop in front of the building, staring at each other for a bit longer than necessary. Victor finally says, "Thanks for having me." 

"Thanks for coming along. Thomas really appreciates it." Yuuri relieves Victor of their bags and flashes him a smile. "You can come with us again if you'd like."

He is glad he says that, because immediately, Victor brightens and says quickly, "Yes, I'd like that."

They exchange their goodbyes one more time, and then just as Yuuri is about to open the door, Victor calls out, "Wait, you forgot this last bag," and waves a pink paper bag in the air. 

Yuuri grins. Finally. "That's yours! I'll see you on Monday!"

From then on, Victor is added into their daily lives. He accompanies them on the weekends every so often and occasionally for dinner, leaving Thomas in a happy buzz whenever he does. Weeks go by, and then months. They celebrate Victor's birthday, Yuuri's and then Thomas'.

It is a particularly cold and snowy day of December when this routine is broken again. He is without Thomas, as he had dropped him off at his mother's that evening, and he is at a bar when he sees Victor.

"Victor!" Yuuri exclaims in surprise as he spots the owner of the familiar shade of grey hair sitting alone at the bar. The whole image looks strange to Yuuri: the man he associates with sunshine, rainbows and children is hunched over a drink in a dark, seedy bar, wearing an old black sweater and faded blue jeans. 

Just as Yuuri is about to ask what he is doing here, Victor's head jerks around to face him and the words die before they leave his mouth. Victor is paler than usual, eyes wide and mouth tight with emotion.

Victor clearly sees something in his eyes, because he immediately turns away again and slaps some money on the counter as he begins to get up. Yuuri quickly steps forward in concern his voice low and firm. "Victor, what's wrong?"

The young man who is now halfway to the door freezes. He looks down, his long silver locks falling in his face as his eyes are squeezed shut. 

Yuuri steps towards him, hesitant to touch him. He sounds more sure than he feels when he says, "C'mon, let's get out of here."

Victor follows Yuuri in the snow-white city of London. The illuminated lights of Christmas are too bright to him when they reflect on the snow. 

Yuuri sits Victor down on the bench at the park he always brings Thomas to on good days. Today, it is empty and forlorn, the swing set silent and the slides absent of children. 

Victor is still hunched are refusing to look at him. They sit there for a few minutes, only the sounds of their breaths permeating the cold air filling the silence. Victor's breathing hitches for a moment and then he finally speaks. "My dad and I...don't get along well."

He cannot find anything meaningful to say to Victor, so Yuuri says nothing. 

"Especially recently. He doesn't approve of my career. Thinks men should get a man's job."

Victor's shoulders shake--from the cold or something else, Yuuri does not know. Instead, Yuuri brushes off the snow in Victor's hair and shoulders and wraps the young man into a hug. 

Victor's shoulders are still shaking, now under his arms, and Yuuri is reminded of the fact that he is thirty-five and Victor is twenty. 

Fifteen years apart.

* * *

Things are the same, yet they are not. Yuuri still sees Victor twice every weekday when he drops off and picks up Thomas. Victor still accompanies them on their shopping trips occasionally, but progressively less and less so. They still do not exchange many words other than about Thomas, but now the words not exchanged hang heavy in their tongues, in their minds.

Yuuri can see something more in Victor's eyes now when the young man turns his gaze towards him. Something soft, yet fervent and deep--he does not want to put a name to it.

The deepness frightens Yuuri a bit, because he feels it from himself too.

He tells himself again: he is thirty-six, and Victor is twenty-one. 

Fifteen years apart.


	2. Twentieth Life: Beautiful Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yuuri no

20th life. Western Front,  _ Beautiful Eyes _

Yuuri can barely keep the hand holding down his helmet still as the world shakes once more. Each breath comes with laborious pain. The mines deafen his ears, and fear numbs everything else. He lays still, unsure if the wetness he feels is his blood or the cold mud. His head is down and he hugs his bayonet as though it is the only thing keeping him alive.

He does not know how long he stays there. Footsteps, gunshots, screams, explosions, sounds, more  _ sounds,  _ more  _ pain,  _ more _ death-- _

He does not know anything.

Something touches him on the shoulder, and Yuuri is moving, fear and adrenaline pumping even quicker in his veins than before. He gets to a crouch and swerves around, almost falling to the bottom of the trench before catching himself in time. 

He can barely make out a figure in the smoke and the raised weapon in his hand is the heaviest thing he has ever carried in his life. 

The man before him says something unintelligible, but is unmistakably in Russian. Yuuri is shaking more than ever because in front of him is someone he should kill, but how can he bring himself to kill another person?

The smoke clears a bit and he can see the Russian soldier is clearly of much higher rank and is looking at him with pity in his blue eyes, his hand wielding a handgun by his side. The tip of Yuuri's bayonet that is pointed at him is no threat as it shakes pathetically in the air.

The Russian holsters the gun and approaches him slowly, blue eyes still looking sympathetic. 

Yuuri's heartbeat thrums deafeningly in his ears and his tremors overtake his body. He should shoot. His finger--is it still attached to his hand? He is not sure. But if it is, he should shoot. Now. 

_ Now.  _

The soldier is inches away from the bayonet's blade now, blue eyes fearless and level with his. 

_ Now. _

But he cannot.

Yuuri lets go of everything, drops the gun and himself. Falls to the ground in an incomprehensive heap of resignation and fear.

His hand creeps back up to his side, trying to close the gaping hole of pain in himself. He is dying anyways, obligation and duties be damned. Why drag another life down with him? 

"Hey Russia," he says. He does not know if the other understands. Yuuri gives him down a pleading look. "Kill me." 

Blue eyes are grim now, and he nods. He understands.

The soldier has his gun in his hand again. The other hand somehow ends up supporting Yuuri's back so that he is sitting upright. 

"Hurry," Yuuri whispers, staring dazedly ahead at nothing. 

Suddenly, fingers grab his chin until he is staring into blue eyes. A tear rolls down the soldier's cheek and Yuuri feels an inexplicable urge to kiss him. Yuuri faintly registers a voice that says, "Victor Nikiforov."

His name. His lips form his in response: "Yuuri Wagner."

The fingers leave his chin and his head falls forward limply. The hand tightens behind his back, and then Yuuri feels something cold and hard on his forehead. He jerks slightly from the impact, senses sharpening with pain and fear. His vision clears in his last moment and reflexively meets the other's gaze.

_ Oh,  _ Yuuri thinks belatedly,  _ his eyes are beautiful. _


	3. Thirtieth Life: Hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bromance victuri

30th life. New York,  _ Hair _

Yuuri sighs as he expertly snips the strands of silver hair clipped between his two fingers. "Victor, this is such a waste of your hair."

Even though Yuuri is behind him and is concentrating on his hair, he knows Victor is rolling his eyes again. "You say that every time."

Yuuri sighs again and only hums in response. Because it is true: Victor's hair is so soft and straight with such a beautiful shade that it breaks his inner-barber heart every snip he is forced perform. He glances as the scattered silver hair on the floor mournfully. "Why don't you want to try growing your hair out? You'll look amazing, I bet my career on it."

There is a hesitant pausing on Victor's side that makes Yuuri's hands go still and turn his gaze to his friend and client's face in the mirror. 

"I used to have long hair, so." Victor says this easily and casually, even though Yuuri knows he had been contemplating on admitting this to him or not. 

Yuuri groans loudly, letting his scissor hand drop to his side as he uses his other to run his fingers through Victor's soft grey hair. "I knew it! I totally knew it!"

The corners of Victor's lips are pulled up into a small smile. "How'd you know?"

"I just have a feeling. I bet you were a lot more feminine as a teen or young adult." Yuuri can see it now: a younger Victor with beautiful long hair and a dainty flower crown atop his head, smiling angelically at the world.

Victor sounds interested as he asks ambiguously, "You think so?"

Yuuri snorts. "With a reaction like that, I bet I'm 100% correct. You probably conditioned your hair and everything, didn't you." 

The silence that follows his remark is more informative than anything Victor could have said. He snickers.

"You're a barber, why're you laughing at me for taking care of my hair?" Victor finally protests.

"I'm not laughing at that, I'm laughing at you for feeling embarrassed about it," Yuuri counters as he raises his scissor to Victor's hair once more to resume his job. "What changed?"

"I got old," Victor says plainly.

"You would look younger, especially with a face like yours," Yuuri insists absently a long moment later, beginning to get absorbed in his task.

Yuuri barely notices the lack of a reply, or just does not hear it in the first place. Twenty minutes of concentrated silence later, Yuuri sets his comb and scissor down with a content exhale. "Almost done." He runs both his hands through Victor's hair, admiring how the color changes under the light. Yuuri twirls a strand around his finger and lets it go.

"Done yet?" Victor knows Yuuri is just playing with his hair now.

Yuuri combs through his hair once more with his fingers, taps the crown of Victor's head with a finger and says, "Yep!"

The older man stands up and puts a hand over the spot Yuuri poked and complains, "Don't do that, you'll make me feel self-conscious."

Yuuri smiles and leads them to the front counter. His friend fishes out his money and hands it to him. "Thanks. See you next time then."

Victor returns his smile and is halfway to the door when he stops and turns around. "Drinks on Friday?" 

Yuuri raises an unimpressed eyebrow. "You paying?"

His friend huffs in amused resignation and drawls, "Yes, I'll pay."

He grins. "Great! See you there at the usual time then!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i know a lot of my yuuris and victors are pretty OOC, but i'm taking into account the fact that they won't be exactly the same in each life. (HAHA me making excuses for making yuuri a little brat in this :3)


	4. Fortieth Life: Kind Idiot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> passing strangers

40th life. Germany,  _ Kind Idiot _

Yuuri wants to cry as he runs through the crowd of people, shivering violently in the cold rain. There is no way he is going to get to his job interview on time nor in a presentable state. His bag containing his resume and application is soaked through, as is he. 

He slows down and sits on the edge of the fountain, his head down and shoulders hunched. He stays like that for a long time. 

It is still raining when he looks up and sees that a blue, opened umbrella has been placed before him. There is no one else near the fountain besides him, so this is unmistakably for him. 

Yuuri stands and picks up the umbrella, spotting a tag hanging from the handle of the umbrella. His numb, wet fingers grab the tag and he reads the name on it, feeling laughter rise behind his lips. "Victor" is kind, but an idiot: Yuuri is completely drenched already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone asked me how the timeline of this works since the lives don't seem in chronological order. which is true! i purposely didn't specify the time frame because 50 rebirths is 50 generations, which mostly likely totals to a huge number of years, so i'd rather think the rebirths didn't happen in the same universe, but rather some in parallel universes--meaning it's possible for multiple victors and yuuri to exist at the same time, just not the same world.


	5. Fiftieth Life: Branded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> victor in awe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since the previous chap was so short, i decided i'd post this right after! :)

50th life. Russia,  _ Branded _

Victor is only seven when he knows what he wants to do when he grows up. He is with his parents at a ballet show and nearly falls off his chair from dozing off until his mother puts a hand on his shoulder which jerks him awake. 

Then his mother says a few words that he knew not at the time would change his life: "Victor, pay attention to this one." 

He straightens in his chair as the lights dim in the hall. The crowd is completely silent, holding their breaths, as though they already know this performance is going to be special. 

The light shines brightly down on the center of the stage. To his surprise, it is a young girl, perhaps a year or two older than him. The music begins with a canter, skipping lightly and frivolously. The girl, too, stands elegantly in one smooth movement and bounds across the stage with the tune.

As the song trails off into a calmer, smoother melody, the girl is doing so as well, her movements slowing down and connecting with each other as one. There is a whimsical feel to her every action that is apparent in every note and pause in the song. He is enraptured by her performance, appreciating the tune that emulates through her body with graceful ease. 

For the first time in his life, Victor realizes that dancing can be music too.

It is beautiful.

Only after the performance, after they gave her a standing ovation, after they leave the concert hall that he is articulate enough to ask his mother who she is.

His mother does not need to ask Victor which dancer he refers to and says with an understanding smile, "That was Yuuri Katsuki. She's eight."

Victor is in awe; Yuuri Katsuki is eight, one year older than him, and she is beautiful.

He brands her performance into the back of his eyelids, his every braincell and down to his very  _ soul _ . 

He will not forget Yuuri Katsuki.


	6. Fifty and One More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yuuri pls

51st life. _Fifty and one more_

Watching Katsuki Yuuri perform Victor's program, even halfway across the world through a small phone screen, is beautiful. The Japanese skater is sloppy in technique but raw with emotion and Victor can feel it through every note as it resonates with Yuuri's body.

Victor feels something inside of him stir. It is deeply yearning and aching and it makes him want to do _something,_ but he does not know what, or why it feels so important to him.

But everything tells him to go to Japan to find Katsuki Yuuri, so that is what he does.

* * *

 

When Yuuri sees Victor for the first time in the flesh, his brain suddenly feeds him an image of a younger Victor with long hair swept up into a simple ponytail, wearing a pink apron, smiling at him while holding out a giant sunflower in his hands.

It is completely out of context and so preposterously random that Yuuri trips over the air and quickly escapes into his room.

He dismisses the image as his overactive imagination and proceeds to act normal around Victor—or _tries_ to, but Yuuri cannot help finding himself starstruck. That, added onto the fact that he is already unsociable makes him a nervous wreck around Victor.

After preventing Victor from entering him room (Yuuri would die if Victor sees the all the posters of him), he lays in bed, trying to sort out all his feelings. He does not know why he is feeling so _much_ : every time he sees Victor there is a sense of exultation in his chest, and then more so when he aims his smile at him. Yuuri feels heat rushing to his cheeks in the darkness of his room and buries his face into his covers, embarrassed by just his thoughts.

Yuuri inhales deeply and then lets his exhaustion overtake him as he exhales. His last thought before falling asleep is his self-assurance that he is simply starstruck.

x

_"Victor," Yuuri begins gently. They are standing outside entrance of the daycare, just the two of them. The streets are darkening as the sun begins to set. Thomas is in the sandpit, playing around with the other kids. The younger man looks at him earnestly, seriously, sensing something important coming._

_"Yuuri? What is it?"_

_He wants to turn away, to run from those beautiful shade of blues. So he closes his eyes, trying to keep his face straight as he finally continues, "I —Thomas and I. We're moving to New York." _

_He opens his eyes again, and he sees Victor has taken a step back, eyes wide and no longer looking at him._

_"For work. My company relocated me to their New York office."_

_Victor's visage of shock breaks at his words. Something terrible crosses his face that pierces Yuuri's heart in ways he cannot describe. Written on his face in that brief instance is pained resignation and —_

_Victor is a bit breathless when he asks, "In America. When?"_

_Yuuri steps forward without realizing it. His arms leave his sides and his hands opens up, reaching out to Victor until he catches himself and brings his tightened fists to his sides once more. His jaw is clenched and he cannot bring himself to answer. He turns away, face crumpling in a torrent of emotions._

_"Yuuri,_ when? _" Victor demands with a raised voice. He sounds desperate._

_"We leave tomorrow. Today is Thomas' last day." Yuuri barely manages to keep his voice from breaking._

_Victor advances, his agitated strides reaching him in no time. The younger man grabs his collar and brings him to his face as he intones with steel, "Why? Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Yuuri opens his mouth to speak, but Victor does not let him. "Did you even tell Thomas?"_

_They are both silent, staring, panting and so_ close _that every breath enters each other's mouths. They are frozen in this incomprehensible moment. Yuuri sees Victor break eye contact for a second, glancing down at his lips._

_"Victor-"_

_He is interrupted by a short growl before being pulled right onto Victor's lips. Before he knows it, Yuuri's fingers are in Victor's hair and their tongues are clashing, teeth clacking, breaths short. It is messy, unexpected, and more than Yuuri can ever ask for._

_They break away at the same time and Victor's left hand moves slowly from Yuuri's cheek, trails carefully over his collarbone, presses gently against chest. He stops there, his palm to his heart as they stare at each other without a word._

_"Victor," Yuuri repeats, and this time there is no interjection. "Thank you." The hand on his chest becomes a fist. "I'm sorry."_

_The weight of Victor's hand is gone from his chest, but the weight of its absence is heavier._

_When he looks into Victor's eyes, he sees, once again, pained resignation and —_

_— and heartbreak. _

x

When Yuuri wakes up, he feels tired. He rubs his eyes wearily with a hand and when he pulls his hand back, it is wet. Yuuri grimaces as he turns to examine his pillow, which now has a wet stain on it. He had cried last night.

He does not really remember what he dreamed about, but he knows it is a sad, yearning and regretful dream.

"Victor…"

Yuuri wipes his wet eyes with his pajama sleeves and goes to the bathroom to wash his face. He has no idea what the dream is about, but it is only a dream anyway. Staring at his plain face in the mirror, he wonders absently if the events of yesterday really did happen. Did Victor really come to his house-

"Yuuri!" A resounding wail echoes across the hall. Thundering footsteps follow.

Yuuri jolts out of his reverie and comes out of the bathroom. It is Victor, and he is standing in front of Yuuri's bedroom door. Yuuri yelps in alarm as he jumps in between the door and Victor. "G-good morning, Victor!"

" _Yuuri!_ " cries Victor as he launches his arms around Yuuri, snuggling his face into Yuuri's shoulder.

Immediately, blood rushes into every square inch of Yuuri's skin as he stutters out Victor's name incoherently and attempts to squirm out of Victor's strong grip.

"Yuuri," Victor breathes out, softer this time.

Yuuri is now thoroughly bewildered and finally remembers how to speak. "V-victor, what are you doing? What's wrong?"

Victor shakes his head and does not respond, but releases Yuuri from his hold. The intensity of his blue eyes captures Yuuri into immobility and suddenly his mind flashes to another instance of—of what?

A flash of disappointment and frustration courses through him as the sliver of familiarity is gone before he can catch it.

But for inexplicable reasons, Yuuri finds himself raise his hand to Victor's chest. He can feel the older man's heartbeat stutter into a fast dance as both of their breaths catch at the same time.

"Victor," Yuuri is saying, "I'm here now."

Victor's face tightens up and his eyes are a bit shiny. Yuuri wonders vaguely if Victor is about to cry.

Then Yuuri's brain reminds himself of reality and he yelps and jumps back against the wall. He brings his other hand around the one that was on Victor's chest, nursing it to his chest as if burned. Yuuri is confused, flustered and then squeezes his eyes shut as he says nervously, "I-I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me!"

When the silence between them is too long, Yuuri feels his heart sink. Victor is mad at him for being so weird. He is not going to coach him anymore-

"Yuuri," Victor says again, lower, smoother. "I'm not going anywhere either."

He is relieved and even more confused than before. _Either?_ He did not understand, but he almost wants to cry himself when he sees Victor's expression. The older man is smiling, but his eyes are anguished and broken.

Yuuri does not know what to do. He senses he is the cause of this turmoil but whatever Victor is thinking is completely out of reach.

* * *

 

From that first morning on, Victor stubbornly insists on sleeping with Yuuri in his room at night. Yuuri is unable to refuse, but only after he takes down all his posters of Victor in his room.

Nearly every night, he begins to have dreams he can never remember. Yuuri knows they are coherent in his sleep, but they fade the instant he wakes, always just escaping him. Sometimes he wakes up crying, sometimes elated, sometimes shaking from phantom pain, and sometimes on the edge of laughter.

The best part is that after every dream, he wakes up next to Victor. No matter in what he state he wakes up in, Victor is always there and seems to understand, even when Yuuri himself does not. Mornings with Victor quickly become special to him.

His training with Victor is going well. Victor is open, _very_ touchy and a great coach. Yuuri knows, especially after performing _In Regards to Love: Eros_ to Victor, that he is very much attracted to Victor. More importantly, he knows Victor knows it too.

He finds that he is OK with it—more than OK.

On another hand, after being with Victor for so long, he notices a few strange things about him that he does not know what to think. The first time Victor pulls out the Makkachin tissue box out, Yuuri is struck with a sense of nostalgia. He stares at it for too long because then Victor calls out quietly, "Yuuri?"

When Yuuri looks up in confusion, he is struck by Victor's gaze that is intensely hopeful. This moment is significant, but Yuuri does not understand why.

"Victor?"

Immediately, Victor's tightened demeanor relaxes and he turns away from him. When Victor turns back a moment later, he is the same again, as if the strange exchange never happened.

Another time is when Yuuri is standing at the rink edge during practice, staring intently at Victor's hair as his coach looks down to tie his skates on. An uncontrollable urge to poke at Victor's hairline overtakes him. So he does. Victor freezes under his outstretched finger and slowly—almost as if he is scared—looks up at him. Yuuri's heartbeat jumpstarts into a gallop at Victor's once again hopeful eyes that pains and confuses him more than ever.

What is Victor hoping for?

No matter how much Yuuri wracks his brain for an answer, he does not know. He knows, though, that Yuuri unintentionally crushes Victor's hope every time. It hurts, but he thinks Victor is hurting more.

There is always something deeply reminiscent in Victor's gaze that makes him seem older than twenty seven when it happens. Victor is even more untouchable in those moments. But Yuuri does not know what to do. The misunderstanding is too incomprehensive—too intangible to voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had this ready for over a week but wanted to make it longer ;_; i failed i'm sorry there will be a next chap to wrap everythign though. will yuuri remember idk LOL check the fic summary if you need to know.
> 
> i'm also considering consolidating all the previous lives into the present life as short snippets instead so that the progression of the story moves along w/ victor remembering everything too. and making this fic into a huge one shot. might do this after i finish though.  
> tell me what you all think! :)


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